Wind In A Ravine
by KKYOKO
Summary: Tenten. Neji. Love and fear?
1. Chapter 1

My stomach clenches in fear as I step back.

Neji's eyes are wide and blank. I cannot read his expression, save for surprise.

I feel my bottom lip being pulled between my teeth.

Neji slowly blinks and his face begins to pull into a frown.

My heart skips a beat as I see the makings of a scowl. He opens his mouth and I bolt away.

I do not want to hear what he has to say.

I run so fast that I doubt I hear a segment of my name make it's way out of his mouth.

"Te-"

No. NO. I will not listen to rejection. I will not hear his voice say "I'm sorry." I will not give him a stupid grin to cover up my mistake. I will not see that look of pity in his cloudy grey eyes.

_I will not._

I jump and ricochet off a tree, getting as far away from Neji as possible. I run faster and faster, until I reach the woods.

I can't believe I did that.

I stop and lean against a tree for a split second as my stomach clenches again.

Why? Why did I have to go and kiss him? Why did I have to go and ruin everything?

I can't go back there. I can't go back and pretend it never happened. Everything's different now, everything's weird and unusual. I can't bear to suffer the shame of such rejection.

And not only the _shame_, but the fact that I am _rejected_.

My cheeks burn with humiliation as my abdomen contracts again, and I quickly smother my mouth with my palm so the scream stays inside. My eyes are burning with unshed tears, but before any can fall, I straighten up and dash off again.

I must run as far and as fast as humanly possible. Maybe I'll be too busy to cry. Too busy trying to catch my breath. Too busy urging my protesting muscles to continue, to go faster, so I can't hear the scream inside of me.

_Go._

I can't stay here. I can't stay here in Konohagakure. I must leave. Go. Go. _Go faster_. _I have to go. _

I have to get out of here.

I race to my house. I need a bag. I need some money. I need to bring my toothbrush.

I burst through the front door, dash up the stairs, fly into my room and yank my traveling bag out from under my bed. I throw things in my bag. I don't pay attention. A brush, a pencil, a lonely sock. I pull open my drawers. I don't think. I don't know if I pack a nightshirt. A bra? Are there jeans? I race into my bathroom. Toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, floss.

I briefly wonder to what extent Gai-sensei and Lee-kun go to get their teeth so clean. I bet they go to a dentist everyday.

I go by my room again and include a few scrolls of summoning, out of habit.

All thought process disappears and I zip downstairs to the kitchen, throw a few things in the bag, maybe an apple, maybe not. I don't know because I'm not looking, and my heart is racing and as I go, the scream is growing stronger---so strong that I begin to feel as though I'm being ripped apart from the inside, but I can't stop and consider this because all I know is that I have to run.

Fast.

Back to the front door, which is still open, reach around and turn the lock and grip the knob and yank it shut, because sometimes it sticks a little. I don't take the time to say goodbye to my house, I don't need to, I don't know if I'll be away forever or not.

The scream is getting stronger as I stand still, so I hoist up my bag and brace my knees and dash off into the woods. Don't look back, leap into a tree, faster, faster Tenten, next branch, _leap._ I don't think, I don't want to, I don't want to stop. If I stop I know I'll fall apart, crumble to dust, break into a million pieces. Like a plummeting china plate, when I stop falling, all that's left to do is break.

I don't know where I'm going, I don't know anything except I have to make the next tree limb.

I crash into something. I don't know what. I plummet down from the tree limb, but I can't quite catch my weight because I just realize how heavy my bag is. Like a stone, it drags me down to my death-crash into the ground.

A hand grips my wrist, and before I can think anymore morbid thoughts, I am snatched from the air, just like someone snatching up the falling china plate.

I compensate for the bag's weight just as my feet meet the ground. Take a breath, straighten up, I don't know whether to be grateful or be angry. Maybe a part of me wanted to experience death.

"Tenten."

Argh…please be someone pretending to be him…

The bag is tugged off my shoulders. I am relieved at the lack of weight. Now I can run faster.

"Are you planning on leaving?"

"Planned on it…" I mutter, turning to face him.

Neji gives me an calculating look.

I decide to take my chance and run, but as I step back, his hand is around my wrist faster than you can say "damn it".

"Where will you go?"

I look away. I don't want to see his face, giving me that frown. "I don't know."

His hand tightens slightly around my wrist. Why is he holding me here?

"You don't understand much, do you?" I can hear a smirk in his voice. And sure enough, as I glance up, a corner of his mouth is pulled up in his trademark I'm-better-than-you-are-so-get-used-to-it smile.

Is he freakin' _mocking _me?

Why the _hell_ do I like him!

His smirk widens as I stare at him.

A raging storm blows up in me, because he's standing here, right in front of me, mocking me for all he's worth, knowing full well that I am completely and totally in love with him!

His smirk grows even wider.

I snap. Before I know what's happening, there is a large, wide, forceful motion in my free arm and it's suddenly stopped with a jerk and there is pressure on my wrist. My flat palm, centimeters from his face, makes me realize with surprise that I had just attempted to slap him. His hand around my wrist makes me realize he caught it before I made contact.

I look at his face. His smirk is gone, and he is serious now.

But I am still angry, and I'm sure it's showing on my face.

"How can you be so cruel?" I hiss at him. "How can you stand there? Mocking me?"

He visibly flinches. "Tenten-"

"Shut up!" I yell, tearing away from him. I'm feeling angrier by the second, especially because now he's acting like _I_ hurt _him_. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say!" I spot my bag propped up against his leg. I make a grab for it but he seizes my shoulders and pulls me away from it, turning me to face him.

"Wait," he says. "Just wait." His voice is calm. His fingertips dig slightly in my shoulders. He doesn't know what to say.

"Please…" I look down. "Please just don't apologize. I don't…" I swallow. "I don't want to hear that."

I feel his eyes stare at me. His voice is slow and deliberate.

"You…seem so vulnerable…"

I am silent.

I hear the rustle of his hair as he shakes his head. "I don't want to be cruel, Tenten. Not to you. But, you already know that I don't…"

I nod. "I understand, Neji-kun." I don't want to look at him. The scream inside is a spinning, rapid force in my throat. It is growing even stronger as we stand so still and he watches me.

I bite my lip to keep the scream at bay.

His hands twitch and before I know it, my cheek is pressed against his shoulder and of his arms is around my neck, while the other is around my lower back. He is warm and comforting and he is silently saying that he doesn't want to see me this weak again.

The scream in my throat weakens a little. My heart is still broken though, but I don't want to run now. I want to go home. I want to go to sleep. I want a coma.

At this moment, this is the last place I want to be.

I pull away from him, pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. "I'm sorry," I say, with my back to him. "Right now…it's just not…" I trail off, not knowing how to finish this sentence.

"I understand," he says, but I can feel his confusion. He thinks he was being nice. He is trying. I can see it.

I turn around, giving him a casual smile. Not anything particularly emotional. Just to let him know that I won't go jump in the river or something. "I'll see you around, Neji-kun."

He seems relieved. He nods.

I turn and walk back home.

When I get there, I unlock the door, set my bag on the floor, and go upstairs to my room. I sit on my bed and pull off my shoes. This is the second time I've forgotten to take them off when I came in the house today.

I pick up my pillow and bury my face in it.

I turn the key in the lock and free the scream from its prison. It comes out as a surging force of pain and misery. It is loud and long, and before I know it, my pillow is soaked with my tears. The cries rack my body and I slide off my bed and sink to the floor, clutching the pillow for dear life.

I feel empty. I feel so painfully empty that it's petrifying. And alone. Wretchedly, terrifyingly _alone_.

I'm drowning, and not even Neji can save me.

I feel like I'm being ripped apart. Like someone shoved a bomb down my throat and it just blew up. Like a thousand knives stabbing me everywhere. Knives in my heart. Knives in my head. I'm burning alive. I'm freezing to death. I'm plummeting from a cliff. Poison is coursing through my veins.

I'm choking on my screams.

I'm dying.

Then it's over.

And I am truly empty.

My face is still laying in my pillow, supported by my trembling knees. I shudder now and then, and I cough.

I decide I will not allow myself to get hurt like this again.

Ever.

I will go about tomorrow as though nothing had happened at all between us.

Perhaps Neji will forget too.

---


	2. Chapter 2

Hey.

This is a three-shot, I think.

Enjoy, my duckies, enjoy.

* * *

I was surprised when Tenten kissed me.

I can admit that to myself, because she deserves it, and anyway, I'm rarely ever surprised.

However, in a way, in the very deepest pits of my subconscious, I knew it was coming. So I was, in a very strange way, surprised and not surprised.

It all happened so fast. The sudden clash of our lips, her hand on my shoulder for balance as she stood on her tiptoes, I noticed how earthy she smelled, like something fresh and green. Something growing, something healthy.

She made my heart skip a beat.

I was intrigued.

For a moment.

Then I realized what could happen if I accepted her.

Many things. _Too_ many things.

She watched me. Desperately. Biting her lip; a habit I've noticed her developing lately.

I don't know what was going through her mind, but she must have known that I wasn't going to say yes. I don't think she realized that it wasn't forever.

I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to understand. I wanted her to know that I was being selfish. But she ran away, she ran as fast as she could when realization dawned on her, showing her only half of what I wanted it to.

She went home and packed a bag, and decided that she was leaving. She was leaving Konohagakure. She was leaving her home. She was leaving her friends.

She was leaving me.

I never wanted her to leave. I didn't want her to go away, and disappear forever. Besides, what would become of her? She would just be another ukenin, with shinobi hunters on her trail. And they would make sure that she would disappear forever.

I didn't want that.

So I stopped her. I wanted her to know that I was sorry. I wanted to say it, but she wouldn't let me. When she said she didn't want to hear it, she looked so _weak_. So _defeated_.

I've never known Tenten to be defeated. Sad, yes. Hungry, yes. Exhausted to the point of collapsing, _yes_, but never, _never_ _defeated._ Never all of these things at once.

That look in her eyes, like she was broken, torn apart, and the way she bit her lip yet _again_, was shocking. This was not the Tenten I knew. And I was struck by the fact that _I_ did this to her. _I_ brought this defeat on her like a guillotine on her neck. _I_ made her so close to tears.

I wanted her forgiveness.

I wanted her to know how horrified I was that I did this to her.

I wanted her to see how selfish I was. I knew she needed to get away from me, she needed to recuperate, she needed to regain her dignity, but I disregarded it for my own selfish reasons.

Selfishness. That's all it was.

The truth was that I truly, truly cared about her. I didn't want to let her go because I didn't know when she would be back. I didn't know if she would even come back.

She needed to know that I wasn't going to let her leave me. That's why I brought her close to me, I embraced her. I wanted her to know that it wasn't forever.

When she pushed away from me, I was perplexed. Why couldn't she understand? She had been trembling, with what exactly, I'm not sure, but I don't even think she realized it.

She gave me that smile. That empty, void smile; the one to reassure me. She was wounded, in more pain then she'd ever been in in her life, but that smile simply meant that she was going home.

And that was all. She told me she'd see me around, and that was all. She went home.

Part of me wanted to follow her, wanted to make sure that that was where she was really going and not in the river. But the other half of me argued that she was hurt, her pride nonexistent, and she deserved to be alone and do whatever she needed to. Whether that be cry, sleep, eat, throw up, or just stay so still that time seemed to stop, and maybe she could go back and take it all away.

I decided not to trail her. I decided that I wouldn't hurt her anymore, at least as much as I possibly could. She deserved to have her privacy. At least that.

I had to stop being selfish. But at the same time, as much as I wanted to say yes and accept her silent proposal, I couldn't.

I would be absolutely terrified if I had said yes.

I didn't know if she could ever forgive me for it.

Selfishness.

* * *

There it is. Neji's slight confession, because, seriously, he doesn't seem like the type of guy that really likes to admit things.

Oh well. You're still loved, Neji-kun, don't worry.

(randomly disappears)


	3. Chapter 3

Here you go. The last chapter.

* * *

Lee and Gai-sensei give Tenten and I a cheerful grin before setting off to train a ways from us. Mostly because Tenten's weapons usually make the habit of ricocheting off my chakra.

But that doesn't particularly matter right now, because I've been dreading having to face Tenten alone. And I think she's been dreading it too.

She gives me an even look, one that doesn't show any specific emotion.

I want to smooth things over, but I don't know what to say.

"Tenten-"

"Let's just get on with it," she says, walking briskly to a more open area. She knows there's no point in trying to hide behind a tree in one of our battles because I can easily spot her with my byakugan. Plus, trees and brush limit her weapon attacks.

As she walks past me, I notice her pressing her lips together. She _has_ been dreading it.

I sigh and follow her.

Once we reach a large clearing, surrounded by old oaks and sycamores, she turns on her heel and stares at me. She's waiting.

"Tenten," I begin again. "I don't want what happened yesterday to come between us. Our training is important."

Her copper eyes flash angrily. "_Training?_" she hisses.

This isn't good.

"That's all you-" she begins, but cuts herself off. She stares at me, heatedly, before looking away. "Nevermind," she says. "Nevermind." Her tone holds a sad ring to it.

A guilty jolt runs through me, reminding me again that I did this to her.

"What?" I ask. "That's all you _what_?"

She stiffens.

"Say it," I dare her. "Say that training is all I care about."

Her arms are crossed and her fingertips dig in her upper arm, making the skin around it bulge. She is silent.

"Say that I don't care about you at all," I demand, feeling a rush of rage shake my voice. "Say it!"

She looks up at me sharply, seeming surprised at hearing my anger. And she grows angrier still. Her eyes narrow.

I step toward her when she is still silent. She doesn't step back, but I can see the alarm in her eyes. Rage quickly replaces it.

"Don't tell me what to say!" she says, furiously. "And don't talk like you know how I feel!"

"I don't _care_ how you feel. All I care about is training, _right_?"

Her eyes flash. "Shut up!"

"Why don't you _make_ me?" I taunt. I want her to hit me.

The smack of her palm hitting my face echoed through the woods.

My cheek stings, but I succeeded.

Tenten looks horrorstricken.

"N-Neji-kun…" Her hand goes to cover her mouth, the same hand that hit me.

I watch her eyes fill with tears.

One trails down her cheek, and my hand reaches up and brushes it away.

"Don't get so upset," I say. "I was asking for it."

She steps back, anger flaring up again. "Don't do that," she hisses. "Don't try to be nice to me. I don't want your pity."

All of the sudden, I understand why she didn't want my apology yesterday. Apologies just make it worse, along with showing kindness. I'm making it harder for her by showing her this sort of intimacy, even if it's light.

My hand drops by my side.

Tenten suddenly steps back and turns away. I catch her around her arms before she bolts away again.

I hold her tightly.

"Don't leave."

She trembles. Out of what, I don't know, but she doesn't struggle.

"Neji-"

I don't want to hear what she has to say.

I kiss her before the words come out.

I decide to embrace the fear.

* * *

YAY!

REVIEW!

(randomly disappears)


End file.
